Dead Beat
by NorthernShinigami
Summary: Ichigo has officially joined the Shinigami ranks, not from choice, but if some asshole pushes him on the tracks he wouldn't have much to come back into, would he? Contains gore, blood, and dark humor. Not for the soft-hearted.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach, japan, or it's transportation.

**Timeline:** After Kyoraku's promotion.

**Summary:** Ichigo has officially joined the Shinigami ranks, not from choice, but if some asshole pushes him on the tracks he wouldn't have much to come back into, wouldn't he?

**Warning:** Gory, disturbing and Dark humored. Contains sensitive things about death. ":D...

* * *

Ichigo stared down at the—...body, or what used to be his body, bloody sprayed all other the station. Ignoring the shrieks and cries of horror of the other passengers (they couldn't see him anyway in his Shinigami form) he glared with twisted expression akin to pain and disgust at the bloody orange mess that should be his Head lying at his feet.

_Only _his head. The sight was extremely disturbing.

He cringed and swallowed hard, resisting the inbred curiosity of his living nature to touch it (some people aren't disgusted to touch themselves,after all) and shifted his eyes to see the tail of the passing train leaving the station into the far distance before it actually started to slow down.

He thought he spotted an arm near the vending machine.

He looked back down at the red and orange mess and twitched.

"There is_ no way _in _hell _I'm getting back into _that_."

**. . .**

"Before we start discussing our usual, I'd like you share an important matter with all of you;" Cough Kyoraku as he spoke to the two rows of Captains at his side.

"Though he may not be here with us at the moment, I'd like to congratulate Kurosaki Ichigo—or commiserate actually, depends from what angle you see it. He has officially joined our ranks as a full time Shinigami and from today onwards is not a Substitute anymore."

"Hold on, you mean he's coming here?" Jushiro protested. "But what about his family back in Karakura?"

"Huh..." Shunsui mused for a moment. "I still think he'll be staying in Karakura, but he'll have to use a Gigai from now on, like us." There was a small pause and then he said; "He was hit by vehicle of the Living World and apparently his mortal body couldn't stand the damage and instantly died. Urahara Kisuke said It's all over Karakura's news. Apparently though it's a common cause of death down in the Living World, the authorities suspect it was a murder." He cough, somehow amused. "Though I have a feeling he's holding back on something. He's making him a Gigai."

"Wait wait wait!" Shinji bellowed as at least a dozen of shocked pair of eyes switched on the Captain Commander. "What do ya mean Ichigo's _dead?_ From a car accident? No way!" The blond snored and everyone agreed. "This is Ichigo we're talking about! The guy's got some crazy skills even in his human body. Hiyori told me that a year ago when he was still stripped off of his Shinigami powers—"

"Hold it, Shinji." Kensei stopped his friend and eyed Shunsui. "What kind of vehicle they said it was?"

"They called it... a Bullet Train, I think?"

"Argh" The three Vizards visibly cringed. _Hard._

Ukitake tilted his head. "Is it that bad?"

"Let's just say that if it was me, I wouldn't want to go back into that body either." Rose said sympathetically.

"There wouldn't be much_ of a body left to _come back into." Shinji snored a chuckle.

"But how did he ended up on the tracks in the first place?" Byakuya voiced out, having heard enough stories from Renji and Rukia (mostly disturbing ones) to know what a train is.

"Usually people use this method to kill themselves, but Ichigo is the last person I know to be suicidal." Kensei murmured.

"Maybe he tripped and fell in." Shinji suggested oh so wisely.

"Don't compare him to _yourself_. He lived in the living World all his life, he'd be wise enough to get out of the way immediately, not stay and check the train from up close and wreck his Gigai. " Kensei chided.

"Hey, that was one time!"

"According to the news there's an eye witness who saw someone push him when this _Train _came." Kyoraku added.

"Can we see it ourselves?" Soifon turned to Kurotshuchi, he returned her an annoyed glare.

"Why are you asking me? I have no interest in the Human's affairs, why would I follow their news channels?"

"I don't think you _want _to see it." Shinji said, looking somewhat pale greenish. "I think I know what Kisuke has held back on ya." Shinji chattered lightly. "Did any of ya ever saw a Bullet Train? Nah? Well, let me tall ya in what speed it goes and what happens to _meat _when it hits it..."

Naturally, by the end of the story Kenpachi was the only one grinning.

* * *

**A\N:** I might have overdid it with the facts. I don't really know if limbs could be... separated if hit by a train, but the closest thing I found from quick research is that if _'High-speed train hits a big animle it's 'like a meat grinder'_ or something (Don't get me wrong, I _love_ animes).


End file.
